


i'm not letting you go (without a kiss goodbye)

by doctoorwho



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Gay, Goodbyes, LGBTQ, Season 12 finale, Soft Thasmin, Softober, The Timeless Children, The scene we deserved, graham o'brien (briefly) - Freeform, ryan sinclair (briefly) - Freeform, soft, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctoorwho/pseuds/doctoorwho
Summary: the goodbye we deserved between the doctor and yaz in "the timeless children"
Relationships: The Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	i'm not letting you go (without a kiss goodbye)

"Live great lives." The Doctor exited the TARDIS, but instead of heading straight to the Citadel, she stood there, taking in a moment. Her hearts were racing more than ever before. She left them. She had to. She promised them at the very beginning that she would keep them safe, get them back home no matter what. She had to keep that promise. Whatever the cost. She started walking away very slowly, with each step she took her mind kept going back to the last figure she saw. _Yaz_. Beautiful Yasmin Khan, her companion, her best friend, the woman she... _No_ , she couldn't think about that now. It could never happen and even if it could, it was now too late. But she got her home, to her family, to her planet. She could rest knowing she'd be safe, living her life out of danger. Even if that meant living without her. 

* * *

"I'm not letting her go." Yaz started making her way to the door before she was suddenly stopped by Ryan, who had grabbed her by the arm. "Let me go!", she tried to shook him off but unsuccessfully. "No Yaz! The Doctor told us to stay. We have to go back home.". He tried to reason with her but she wasn't having it. "I can't just leave her Ryan! Not without...". She got cut off by her own tears that were now flooding her eyes and the sudden knot that had formed in her throat, while Ryan gently let go of her. Everyone could see she was hurting, but not everyone understood why, except maybe for Ryan and Graham. "Let her go.". The young man looked at him in shock, not understanding why was his grandfather encouraging her to do something so reckless. "She needs to say goodbye son. Properly.". Yaz gave him what the old man took as an incredibly grateful look. "If I'm not back in 5 minutes, leave without me.". Before any of them had time to answer, she was already running out of the door praying she would get to the Doctor in time. 

* * *

The blonde Time Lord hand't gone far, when she heard footsteps behind her. Thinking it was going to be another one of the Cybermasters, she drew out the sonic screwdriver. But was confronted by the vision, not of a Cyberman, but of a young and beautiful young woman. "Yaz?". The alien was in disbelief. _What was she doing? She couldn't be there! She wasn't going to be safe!_ The Doctor simply could not allow it. "Yaz, what are you doing? You have to go back. _NOW!_ ". Yaz took three deep breaths to catch up with air. Finally she spoke. "No. I've got five minutes. I'm gonna use them.". The alien took a step back, surprised by her companion's words. The Master was waiting for her, she couldn't let Yaz stay here much longer. She had to get her to safety. "I'm taking you back. I won't hear anymore of it.". She walked towards the young woman, but this time she was the one who took a step back. "Can you just listen to me for once?". They both stopped, looking at each other, heaving breathing on both their chests. "I'm not going back before you hear what I have to say.". The Doctors face was focused on Yaz, not moving an inch, just listening to her words. They had five minutes, she wanted every second of them to count. Yaz took a long deep breath, gathering all the courage she could to say the next three words. "I love you.". All of a sudden, the alien's face softened, her shoulders relaxed, her breathing came to a steady pace but her hearts were still racing. There was a familiar yet unknown feeling in her stomach. Well, not too unknown now. Yaz said the words the Doctor had wanted to say since the day they met, but never had the courage to. But this human, this beautiful outstanding human that she cared for and loved so dearly, said them. And now she was left speechless, trying to summ up the courage to say them back.

None of the woman moved one inch closer. When Yaz realised that the Time Lord wasn't going to answer she proceeded, "I've known it for a while. I've been wanting to tell you, but I was just... afraid. I was afraid that it wouldn't be enough. That _I_ wasn't enough.". Yaz looked into the Doctor's eyes and that's when she noticed a couple of tears running down the alien's face, as well as a small gentle smile. "Oh, Yaz." The Doctor's voice was low and soft. "You really think you aren't enough for me? Why? Cause you're human?". The young woman looked away. That was the exact reason. The Doctor was thousands of years old, she had seem more than Yaz could ever possibly imagine. Why would she ever love a being so fragile, temporary and ordinary as a human? How could Yaz ever be enough?. "You are the most fascinating being I've ever met.". Yaz closed her eyes, preparing herself for the incoming _but_... Instead she was met by the Doctor's hand holding hers, and a gentle thumb lifting up her face. "Hey, look at me." The companion opened her eyes. "I don't care if you're human. That's the least important thing to me. You could have three heads as far as I'm concerned.". They both let out a laugh. The tears were becoming stronger now. The grip on Yaz's hand was growing tighter by the second. They only had a couple of minutes remaining. 

"Yasmin Khan. You are so brave, and kind, and righteous. You are stubborn and know how to hold your ground. You're always there for me, never letting me go into danger alone. You're with me, whatever happens. And if I knew, if I was certain that we both would survive what awaits in the Citadel I would not hesitate to have you by my side. But I can't be sure that I will keep you safe. That's all I ever wanted to do. Because I love you too.". It only took a second. Yaz looked into the Doctor's lips, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her into a kiss. They had a grasp on each other's hips, pulling their bodies as close as they could, until there was no empty spaces between them. The kiss was everything they ever expected and more. All their desires and hidden feelings finally on the surface. Yaz's hand went from the back of the alien's neck into her hair, holding it tightly and drawing her more into the kiss, which just made it even more intense. When they finally parted lips, they just stood there. Forehead against forehead. Breathing in each other breaths. Yaz moved her hand down to the Doctor's chest, while this one did the same up to Yaz's. For a few seconds they remained still. Feeling each other's hearts. Taking in the intimate moment they had just shared. A single moment in time that would forever be a secret hidden within the Gallifreyan walls surrounding them. 

They took a small step back and just looked at each other for one final time. Each of them taking in the other's features, noticing every detail they could. Engraving them in their memory. The look in their eyes was both of sadness and love. Yaz grabbed the Doctor's hand still placed in her chest, gently stroking it's back with her thumb. The blonde did the same to Yaz's cheek. A final gesture. "It's time.". The young woman gave a simple nod in agreement. As much as she'd like to freeze time and stay like that forever, she knew it couldn't be possible. They had to go their own separate ways. "Promise me.", she pleaded. "Promise me that if you survive you will come back for us... _for me_. That if there's any chance that you can survive this, you will take it. Don't be a hero.". Those words weren't unfamiliar to the Doctor. She had heard them before, another lifetime ago. The chances of keeping this promise were so small, almost none. There was no way she could escape what was waiting. No one would be able to survive, she would get caught right in the middle of the explosion. And yet, the way Yaz looked at her somehow made her calmer, more certain that a miracle could happen, that maybe she could escape. Maybe the universe would finally allow her a happy ending for once. "I promise.", was all she could say. With a final kiss, they said their goodbyes, hoping it would only be temporary. 

**Author's Note:**

> the scene we deserved but they could never give it to us.  
> kudos if you enjoyed x


End file.
